Finding my feet.

These last few months have been pretty hard, mentally tough. I think coming towards the end of my Degree really has messed with my head, it's the first time in my life where i have no idea where i will be next year or in a few months. From the day you are born until you leave education your path is in some way set out for you.

But now that's over and it hits you hard. Where do i go? What do i do? Where will i live? There are a lot of questions and for me it's been a tough time trying to find answers. Do i want a job? Do i need a job?

It's crazy, you are expected to leave University and start a Career to be ready for the real world. But recently i stopped and i though, no. No i don't need to have a 9-5 job, i don't need to follow societies set path. I have dreams, i have ambitions and i should follow those.

My parents have recently told me i should do what makes me happy and chase my goals. What is that?

To be a triathlete. To race. To train. To push my body to the limit and hopefully be the best possible athlete i can be. Yes it's only my second season, yes i'm yet to make my breakthrough but i think with time, consistency and a lot of work it can happen.

So as i finish my degree yes i still don't know where i will live or what i will do to fund general living costs. But i know for now that i will try and be a triathlete. Try and work my way up the ranks and perform as best as i can.

I want to do what will make me happy and what i feel i am capable of doing and achieving. It's going to be tough there is no doubt about that and at some point i will feel lost again and i still am.

But for now knowing i will chase this dream is enough. The season starts soon and i'm ready to give it everything i have.

 My Coach Graeme recently posted this on his website. I have read it many times since and think it sums up how i feel just now:

“You have a right to experiment with your life. You will make mistakes. And they are right too. No, I think there was too rigid a pattern. You came out of an education and are supposed to know your vocation. Your vocation is fixed, and maybe ten years later you find you are not a teacher anymore or you’re not a painter anymore. It may happen. It has happened. I mean Gauguin decided at a certain point he wasn’t a banker anymore; he was a painter. And so he walked away from banking. I think we have a right to change course. But society is the one that keeps demanding that we fit in and not disturb things. They would like you to fit in right away so that things work now.” Anaïs Nin